EASTER SNOW

I spent another week skiing at Easter, back in Val d'Isere - in some ways it feels very extravagant to take holidays when I'm not working, but on the other hand I'm very conscious that I don't know how things will be for me by next winter. I'm extremely lucky to feel so well, and to have a reasonable amount of energy, so it seems important to make the most of that while I can. Plus I've never had too much trouble justifying ski holidays to myself! - they're such a tonic, and although it did take a bit out of me, it was a wonderful break. One of the things I love about skiing is that you're completely living in the moment: it's totally absorbing and leaves no space for worrying, thinking, planning, or existential angst. It also felt good being so aware of my body in a positive way (appreciating its strength and coordination) rather than thinking of it as a source of concern, fear or frustration.

I went with a friend from the orchestra, Allie, and although, as before, the other skiers in the chalet were very friendly and sociable, it was good fun having her company. Again, it was lovely not to talk or think about cancer for a whole week - it felt very nourishing and life-affirming - and to rediscover other parts of myself. 

With Allie

Allie and fellow skier Rebecca at a coffee stop

Since my diagnosis I've tended to avoid meeting new people because talking about the cancer leaves people shocked and embarrassed (and incredulous because I don't look ill), but it's not easy to know what to say instead, unless I lie outright. However, on this trip I experimented with admitting that I'm not working at the moment, but explaining it in terms of having outgrown my job and taking some time out to study and overhaul the flat and work out where I go from here, rather than mentioning health reasons (which risks people asking more) - saying nothing that's not true, but not giving the whole truth. It's interesting to experiment with the different ways you can construct a story, and the differing effects that has both on the hearer and on me, but I also found it a relief to socialise in an environment where work isn't the main focus of conversation - skiing provides endless discussion, and an opportunity to feel "normal" again.

La Folie Douce - the ultimate apres-ski venue

.... and more apres-ski with others from the chalet

Weather-wise we had mixed conditions - the very warm weather meant slushy snow on the lower runs, but very pleasant lunch stops sitting out in the sunshine, and there was a bit of snow mid-week which gave us some fantastic and exhilarating skiing, and dramatic conditions.

Fresh snow on the glacier as the cloud burns off

Allie, with snow clouds rolling in

Route back down to Val

Skiing in and out of the cloud