SCOTTISH RETREAT

I've just returned from a week in Scotland, staying at the Findhorn Foundation, about 20 miles west of Inverness. This is an alternative community based on principles of sustainability, spiritual awareness, living in harmony with nature, and sharing their vision through educational programmes and workshops. In my week there I only really scratched the surface of understanding their philosophy, so rather than trying to describe it I'll refer any interested readers to their website: 

http://www.findhorn.org/aboutus/#.UTOOgY5-Q20

My main reason for going was to have some sessions with a healer who works close by, who was highly recommended to me by a friend, Fiona, who I met at the German clinic in early 2012. Fiona lives in Scotland but she and I have stayed in regular phone contact over the past year, and as she told me about some of the healer's remarkable successes with cancer (including with Fiona), I decided it was worth a trip up north to see for myself. I found him a remarkable man: charismatic, warm, and wise, and I found my sessions with him powerful and thought-provoking. Whether there's any effect at the physical level I'll have to wait and see, but he asked insightful questions which gave me a new perspective and clarified some unhelpful beliefs which affect how I cope with challenging situations, so I've come away feeling noticeably more positive and less judgemental about myself - a definite result in itself! Of course a miraculous remission would be fantastic, but to me healing is also about making peace with whatever life throws at us and finding ways to appreciate the here and now without it all feeling spoilt by fears or resentment about what the future might hold - not surprisingly something I've struggled with a great deal in the past 2 years. 

As well as some emotional shifts from the sessions, I found the experience of staying in Findhorn very nourishing. Fiona overlapped with me for a few days, and it was lovely to see her again - as well as always having interesting and inspiring conversations, it's great to have someone who completely "gets" what it's like living with cancer. It was also a good balance of having time on my own at the beginning and end, but company in the middle. We were lucky enough to be able to stay in the house of friends of hers who were abroad, and this gave me a delightful, peaceful and cosy base right in the centre of the community - much nicer than being in a bed and breakfast! It was a charming eco-house, with a turf roof, solar panels, constructed mainly of local timber, and heated by a wood-burning stove.

The community sits in a beautiful location between the coastline of the Moray Firth and the almost-enclosed Findhorn Bay. There are forests, a belt of gorse, heather and pines, and sand dunes leading to miles of sandy beach. I went for long walks and revelled in the clean air, lack of noise, and a very welcome spell of glorious sunny weather. 

Don't be fooled by the sunshine - there was frost on the beach all day!

One day Fiona and I walked to the fishing community of Findhorn village, a mile or two away on the bay, for lunch at an organic cafe and bakery - again, the peace, and the intensity of the light, was extraordinary.

As well as going out walking, I slept for around 10 hours a night; I cooked healthy meals; I read loads (mainly self-help and inspirational books but also a couple of Jane Austen novels for light relief); I really enjoyed taking photos (as you can see by the number I've included in this post!); and I spent time every day meditating, either in the communal sessions every morning and evening, or on my own in the meditation sanctuary. I was surprised by how much calmer I felt, and how much more grounded, by simply switching off my thoughts for 20 minutes or so each day, and it's something I intend to try and keep up back at home. 

I'm planning to go back to Findhorn in early May, if all goes to schedule, and I'm very glad to have found both the healer and the place itself - the week felt like a real respite from the stress and "shoulds" of daily life (even my scaled-down current lifestyle!), and after a pretty tough few months it was a much-needed tonic both physically and emotionally. 

Sunset at low tide in Findhorn Bay