SYLVIA'S FUNERAL SERVICE 21st November 2013

Sylvia left us detailed notes on what she wanted for her funeral and she told us she had enjoyed planning it. We added the round “ Dona Nobis Pacem” as we wanted some singing in the service.  Other music was performed by a string quartet from Lawyers Music; the players were colleagues of Sylvia's for many years. Sylvia's notes are copied below in italics.


“What is dying?” by Bishop Brent

Read by Sylvia's school friend Catherine Lippa

In the days after my mother died in 2000, while my father, sisters and I were discussing what to include in her funeral, Belinda’s mother-in-law Marjorie Kembery suggested this reading. We all immediately liked it, and in the service it was read by my godmother, Margaret Macdonald. I wasn’t sure at first about including the same reading for my own funeral, but on reflection I rather like the association.

I am standing upon that foreshore. A ship at my side spreads her white sails to the morning breeze and starts for the blue ocean. She is an object of beauty and strength, and I stand and watch her until at length she hangs like a speck of white cloud just where the sea and sky come down to mingle with each other. Then someone at my side says, “there! She’s gone!”

Gone where? Gone from my sight, that is all: she is just as large in mast and spar and hull as ever she was when she left my side; just as able to bear her load of living freight to the place of her destination. Her diminished size is in me, not in her.

And just at that moment when someone at my side says, “there! She’s gone!” there are other eyes watching her coming, and other voices ready to take up the glad shout, “here she comes!”

And that is dying.

“Tant de belles choses” sung by, and words by, Françoise Hardy, music by Pascale Daniel and Alain Lubrano 

http://philipclemo.files.wordpress.com/2013/12/tant-de-belles-choses.mp3

I came across this song, bizarrely enough, on a flight to Central Asia in 2009. I’d got to the airport (typically) late and flustered, and once I’d collapsed onto the plane, I searched through the airline’s entertainment system to try and de-stress. This song worked like magic, and once I returned home I bought the album of the same name, mainly for this one song. After my diagnosis I found the idea of still having many beautiful things ahead of me, despite my fears and worries, extremely comforting and inspiring, and I listened to it very frequently, especially during my treatments at the Herzog clinic. And I did indeed have many more beautiful experiences!

I couldn’t find an English translation of the words, so this is my own attempt – undoubtedly imperfect, but it describes what sense I personally made of this song.

Même s’il me faut lâcher ta main               

Sans pouvoir te dire “à demain”

Rien ne défera jamais nos liens…

Même s’il me faut aller plus loin

Couper des ponts, changer de train

L’amour est plus fort que le chagrin…

L’amour qui fait battre nos coeurs

Va sublimer cette douleur,

Transformer le plomb en or

Tu as tant de belles choses à vivre encore…

Tu verras au bout du tunnel

Se dessiner un arc-en-ciel

Et refleurir les lilas,

Tu as tant de belles choses devant toi…

Même si je veille d’une autre rive

Quoi que tu fasses, quoi qu’il t’arrive,

Je serai avec toi comme autrefois…

Même si tu pars à la dérive

L’état de grâce, les forces vives

Reviendront plus vite que tu ne crois…

Dans l’espace qui lie ciel et terre

Se cache le plus grand des mystères

Comme la brume voilant l‘aurore

Il y a tant de belles choses que tu ignores…

La foi qui abat les montagnes

La source blanche dans ton âme

Penses-y quand tu t’endors

L’amour est plus fort que la mort…

Dans le temps qui lie ciel et terre

Se cache le plus beau des mystères

Penses-y quand tu t’endors

L’amour est plus fort que la mort…

            Even if I must let go of your hand

Without being able to say, “see you tomorrow”

Nothing will ever undo our ties…

Even if I must go away,

Cast myself off, take another track,

Love is stronger than grief…

The love that makes our hearts beat

Will sublimate this pain

And transform lead into gold;

You have so many beautiful things still to live for…

You will see at the end of the tunnel

Emerges a rainbow

And the lilacs bloom again;

You have so many beautiful things ahead of you…

Even if I am watching from another shore

No matter what you do, no matter what happens,

I will be with you as before.

Even if you drift away from a state of grace

Your life force will return before you know it.

Within the space which binds heaven and earth

Hides the greatest mystery.

Just as the mist obscures the dawn

There are so many beautiful things you don’t yet know…

The faith which moves mountains,

The white spring within your soul;

Ponder as you fall asleep:

Love is stronger than death

Within the moment which binds heaven and earth

Hides the most beautiful mystery.

Ponder as you fall asleep:

Love is stronger than death.

Eulogy by Annabel Kapp

Eulogy by John Kapp

“Lament” sung by John Kapp

Words by Wilfred Wilson Gibson and set to music by Reginald Kapp in 1919.

Accompanied by Sue Harvey and recorded by Philip Clemo.

http://philipclemo.files.wordpress.com/2013/12/john-song-mix-normalized.mp3

We who are left, how shall we look again 
Happily on the sun or feel the rain 
Without remembering how they who went 
Ungrudgingly and spent 
Their lives for us loved, too, the sun and rain? 

A bird among the rain-wet lilac sings— 
But we, how shall we turn to little things 
And listen to the birds and winds and streams 
Made holy by their dreams, 
Nor feel the heart-break in the heart of things?

Eulogy by work colleague Sheila Sprigge

The following 2 readings don’t have any huge significance for me although they express a sentiment which I like. 

“The comfort and sweetness of peace” - Helen Steiner Rice

Read by Belinda Kembery, nee Kapp

            After the clouds, the sunshine,

            After the winter, the spring,

            After the shower, the rainbow,

            For life is a changeable thing,

           

After the night, the morning,

            Bidding all darkness cease,

            After life’s cares and sorrows,

            The comfort and sweetness of peace.

Eulogy by Frances Reynolds 

Eulogy by Jacqie Carr Taylor

“Beim Schlafengehen” from Four Last Songs by Richard Strauss 

This is one of my favourite works, and one which I played twice with Lawyers Music orchestra, in 1997 and 2008. I’m not sure I did justice to the violin solo but it’s one that I hugely enjoyed having the opportunity to play. To prepare for playing the solo I researched all the recordings I could find, and this is the version which, for me, best captured the poignancy and soaring beauty of this wonderful piece. It was at that time – long before I really believed my death would ever happen - that I decided I wanted this played at my funeral.

Staatskapelle Dresden, conducted by Giuseppe Sinopoli, soloist Cheryl Struder

Text by Herman Hesse, 1948

http://philipclemo.files.wordpress.com/2013/12/03-beim-schlafengehen.mp3

            Nun der Tag mich müd gemacht

            Soll mein sehnliches Verlangen

            Freundlich die gestirnte Nacht

            Wie ein müdes Kind empfangen.

            Hände, laßt von allem Tun

Stirn vergißt du alles Denken,

Alle meine Sinne nun

Wollen sich in Schlummer senken.

Und die Seele unbewacht

Will in freien Flügen schweben,

Um in Zauberkreis der Nacht

Tief und tausendfach zu leben.

“On going to sleep”

Now that I am wearied of the day,

My dearest longings shall

Welcome the starry night

Like a sleepy child.

Hands, cease your toiling,

Brow, forget all your thinking,

All my senses now

Yearn to sink into slumber.

And my unfettered soul

Will soar up freely, so that

In the enchanted circle of the night

It may live deeply and a thousandfold.

“Life Goes On” - Joyce Grenfell
Read by Sylvia's first cousin Amanda Foster

If I should go before the rest of you 

Break not a flower 

Nor inscribe a stone 

Nor when I am gone 

Speak in a Sunday voice 

But be the usual selves 

That I have known 

Weep if you must 

Parting is hell 

But life goes on 

So .... sing as well 

Dona Nobis Pacem - Give Us Peace

All sing

“It’s a wonderful world”(sic) by Louis Armstrong 
(to be played at the end of the service so that, hopefully, people leave with a smile on their faces)

http://philipclemo.files.wordpress.com/2013/12/02-what-a-wonderful-world.mp3

This song always left me feeling warmed and cheered. It expresses beautifully the sense of peacefulness and wellbeing which comes from appreciating the simple pleasures in life.

            I see trees of green, red roses too

            I see ‘em bloom for me and you

            And I think to myself, what a wonderful world

I see skies of blue, clouds of white

Bright blessed days, dark sacred nights

And I think to myself, what a wonderful world

The colours of the rainbow so pretty in the sky

Are also on the faces of people going by

I see friends shaking hands, saying how do you do?

They’re really saying, “I love you”

I hear babies cry, I watch them grow

They’ll learn much more than I’ll ever know

And I think to myself, what a wonderful world

Yes, I think to myself - what a wonderful world…

For the burial:

Rabindranath Tagore:

My great-aunt, Auntie Joyce, was brought up in India, and was very familiar with the writings of Rabindranath Tagore. After her death I kept a book of his poems, and although I didn’t read them often they always felt like a link to her. When I came across this poem I was instantly drawn to it.

            Say not in grief that she is no more

            But say in thankfulness that she was;

            A death is not the extinguishing of a light

            But the putting out of a lamp

            Because the dawn has come.

To finish service on upbeat note, I like the idea of a release of helium balloons (latex and biodegradable) – for example everyone (including children) to take one, be instructed to think of some quality precious to them (associated with me or not), eg love, compassion, peace, laughter, joy, kindness etc, then all go outside and in unison release the balloons and send out that quality into the world. Balloons maybe in blue and white only?

(Environmental facts – harvesting rubber for balloons does not harm trees and discourages deforestation. Balloons degrade in about the same amount of time as an oak leaf. During a balloon release, most balloons rise to an altitude of approximately 5 miles, where the balloon will either freeze or explode from the decreased air pressure, fragmenting into small pieces about the size of a penny, and falling back to earth where they decompose naturally. If ingested by animals, the rubber passes naturally through the digestive system without damaging the animal.)

Would like either burial plot or cremation plaque in Brompton Cemetery (my local area, a beautiful peaceful place, and people can visit easily if they want). 

Wake

A collection of photos on projected screen, changing every 5-7 seconds, of good times, different stages of my life, happy memories. Photos of me alone plus with variety of friends and family, from as a baby/ young child up to adulthood. Selection is in folder on my computer in iPhoto, named “Assorted”.

Release of balloons from the terrace of the Pembroke, where the wake was held.