Some of you will know that over the past couple of years I've been gradually working on improving my flat. It's long overdue, and now that I spend much more time at home I've come to realise how much my living space affects my mood. As these things tend to do, my ideas have snowballed, and I've ended up doing far more than I'd originally intended (as well as it taking substantially longer!)
So far I've done a huge amount of clearing out, of cupboards, wardrobes and attic; I've set up my spare bedroom as an office space, which involved not only replacing furniture and restructuring my filing system but also fitting new sockets and internet access points, and while I was about it, replacing all the sockets and light switches; I've had mould treated and repainted with anti-fungal paint, and installed a positive air pressure pump to solve the condensation issues; I've re-insulated the entire roof and fitted new high-spec super-efficient double-glazing; I've had new shelves and cupboard doors made in the corridor and my bedroom; and I've reconfigured a lot of storage space to make better use of the limited square footage.
However, since last autumn and the recent chemo regimen, I simply haven't had the physical or mental energy to make any progress, and the project ground to a total halt. Yet I've been constantly reminded of all the not-yet-done improvements when I see bare plaster, unpainted wood, boxes of correspondence and photos waiting to be labelled and organised, and new prints for the walls which I haven't yet put up. It's funny, after a while it seems like you stop noticing these things, but actually, even if I don't always consciously register it, it sparks off self-recriminatory "I ought to have dealt with that" or "I should sort that out", and I think it's been getting me down a lot, having constant reminders of "failure" - or at least, of daunting amounts still to be done. And there's so much choice available that despite spending many hours researching and thinking about the various options, for a long time I went round and round in circles, finding it very hard to decide what I wanted and how best to use the space I have.
I'm always very impressed by people who are good at these kinds of projects, as it's definitely not something which comes naturally to me; and even though I've thrown out a huge amount over the past couple of years, I'm naturally a bit of a hoarder and, like for many people, letting go of things isn't easy. (I heard a wonderful definition of the difference between "stuff" and "junk": junk is stuff that you throw out, and stuff is junk that you keep!)
Anyway, for all these reasons, I've been putting off all the smaller tasks until the flat's redecorated - which is logical, but made the whole project feel much bigger and more of an upheaval to get started on. Since procrastination has been such a feature of this process, I thought it warrants not one but two cartoons (well, actually, I couldn't decide between them, so you're getting both!)
However now, with the help and encouragement of some wonderful friends and my sisters, I'm finally on that final phase. As I type, the shelving in my living room is being replaced and extended, with built-in cupboards to hide away some of the clutter; the flat's being redecorated throughout, including painting the new MDF cupboards fitted last summer; I'm replacing the curtains in a couple of rooms (including curtains which I grew up with in the family home all my life and which are older than I am - I loved them dearly, but it's now time to say goodbye to them!); I'm getting rid of some furniture which was too big for the space, and switching a junk-shop bedside cabinet with a nicer one; old faded lampshades are being replaced; a new mirror, shelf and towel ring will be installed to match the new vanity unit I had put in last winter; and new carpet's being laid throughout the flat. New prints and pictures will be hung, a few little repairs are being done, I'm changing the layout of my bedroom, and I'll be replacing my slightly threadbare towels and bedding. So it'll update both the cosmetic appearance, and the organisation and tidiness of all the storage systems, and should make an enormous difference.
That this is happening is largely down to my good friend Thea, who (amongst her other skills) runs a property management company and has loaned me her great team of builders / decorators, who are wonderfully taking care of all of this (under her watchful eye as project manager) to make the process as stress-free for me as possible. She and her colleague came and spent a day packing up all my books, clothes, photo albums, cupboard contents, and assorted oddments, labelling and storing them all neatly and efficiently - it would have taken me literally weeks to do that on my own, if I'd ever even have managed to summon the energy to start it at all! It's just fantastic to have such willing help and support, as well as expertise, and has made the whole process feel manageable and exciting again. (Although the plan to have a new kitchen put in will definitely be postponed for a while....)
However, it still involves a lot of work, dust and mess, so I've moved out for a couple of weeks, both so that the builders can have unimpeded access, and to spare me living in temporary chaos.
I've spent a week staying with my sister Belinda and her family, who have been extremely welcoming and accommodating, and it's been lovely to spend some time with them. All the same, I don't want to impose for too long, and although over the last few weeks it's been exciting choosing paint colours, light fittings, carpet, coat hooks, curtain fabrics and rails, storage solutions, etc, it's also been fairly intense and at times a bit daunting. I squeezed in another trip to Scotland for a few days in May to see the healer again, and although the sessions were useful, it made me realise how how exhausted I still feel after the chemo and radiation, and how hard I find it to switch off mentally. So I decided to go away for the second week of the refurbishment, and chose the little-known Greek island of Lefkada to rest, relax and recharge.
Unfortunately I've been quite unwell this week, with a nasty viral throat infection (I'm extremely grateful to Belinda for looking after me so wonderfully), and yet again it's been touch and go as to whether I'm fit to travel. I spent all day yesterday firstly at the GP (who told me I should cancel the trip), then having blood tests at Chelsea and Westminster, then going on to the Marsden for a second opinion, and finally getting the all-clear after talking to a very nice doctor there late yesterday afternoon. It's a horribly stressful roller-coaster: of course I want to be sure that I'm well enough to go away, and that I'm not putting myself at risk of becoming ill, but it's a risky business asking doctors, as if you're told you shouldn't go, you're then travelling against medical advice and you invalidate your insurance (not that any insurance will cover me for anything cancer-related anyway, so even if I'd cancelled I wouldn't have got any refund). So I'm incredibly relieved to have been given the green light, and am hugely looking forward to setting off this evening.
I'm aware that there will be quite a lot of unpacking to do when I get home, as well as (I hope) some more throwing out of unneeded clutter, deciding where to hang all the new prints, re-storing things more efficiently and so on, but I hope that coming back to a nice new-looking flat and feeling refreshed from the holiday will make it not so much a chore as a rewarding and satisfying process. I'll only have occasional internet access in Greece (what a treat!) but will update you when I get back. Till then, I'm off to the sun - can't wait!
