THE MORE IT GOES (TIDDLY POM) ON GROWING...

Apologies for the flippant title of this post (and apologies to Winnie-the-Pooh for misquoting his little ditty). Perhaps I've run out of earnest ways to feed back on scan reports showing yet more of the same.

So yes, unfortunately, the latest scans showed some more growth, both in the liver and with a few more spots in the lungs. It's always devastating hearing this kind of news - like being kicked in the stomach - but for some reason this time I haven't felt very interested in dwelling on it. It's not that I'm actively trying to avoid thinking about it, or that I'm striving to "think positive": I simply seem to have bounced back fairly quickly. (I'm sure this was helped by having just come back from a few days at Findhorn in Scotland, where I'd had a number of sessions with the healer there, and we'd worked a lot on grounding me emotionally and finding ways to hold onto a sense of calm and tranquility among the rougher parts of the ride.) So, pleasingly, I've found myself more focused on the good things which came out of the consultation.

The best of these was that, without even asking, we saw the consultant. It's so much more satisfactory seeing him: it feels like a dialogue, and he's clearly very sharp and clued-up, so the conversations are far more productive than with even the best of registrars who simply pass on the consensus that the team / consultant has come to. 

More specifically, he told us (in direct contradiction to what he'd said in January) that there is another chemo drug they could use. He warned that with each successive round of chemo there are diminishing returns, so any possible improvements would be expected to be modest, but this drug can help some patients. He asked what I thought about more chemo, and I said I'd want to think about it, given that my digestive system certainly hasn't recovered from the last lot, and that my liver isn't in a good state. In fact, my instinct is that it would be disastrous right now, and I definitely don't want to go down that route at the moment if I can possibly avoid it, but it's great knowing there is another medical option available: psychologically it's so very different from having exhausted all the possibilities. Reassuringly, the consultant was reasonably relaxed about the further growth and suggested waiting a couple of months and rescanning to review things then. 

I asked whether the growth in the liver would account for my liver function tests continuing to deteriorate (at a slightly alarming rate), and he replied that it doesn't really, and that the test results are more likely to be an after-effect of the SIRT (radioembolisation) treatment in April. He mentioned that, as the procedure is becoming more widely-used, some clinicians are recommending longer periods on steroids afterwards, to counteract inflammation in the healthy cells, and he suggested a 2-month course of steroids for me. As I understand it, it's the healthy cells which aren't currently able to function properly because of the inflammation (which is part of the immune response to damaged tissue, but can be counterproductive because it makes cells swollen, like with an allergic reaction, so that they don't work as they should). So, although I don't like being on steroids, it makes perfect sense to me, and I hope that this might help stabilise my liver functioning. Whether or not I have any chemo after that, I'd certainly be in a better position to process it if my liver is able to work better.

So I'm fairly happy with the outcome: I feel that I've been listened to, included in the doctor's rationale for his recommendations, and it gives me a bit more time to do whatever I can to recover my strength and energy. You won't be surprised to hear that I've been (yet again) researching all possible options for alternative treatments which might help my immune system and gut to repair as much as possible - let alone anything which could possibly help to stabilise the growth phase - and I'll let you know if I come up with a new plan. One thing I've embarked on, after "falling off the wagon" with my restricted diet for a while, is increasing the amount of fruit and vegetables I eat - for anyone who's interested in the emerging scientific evidence on the anti-cancer properties of these food groups, see this fascinating talk: http://www.ted.com/talks/william_li.html

Meanwhile, I've realised it's quite a while since I put any photos on the blog, so here are a few, to remind me that I have been able to do some nice things during the last few months:

Day out at Sissinghurst Castle, arranged as a birthday treat by my friend Sheila,
with her gorgeous youngest son Xavier

Setting off for a ride on Wimbledon Common with my sister Belinda in May

Revisiting the beautiful countryside of mid-Wales in August

The younger generation in my favourite lake,
where we used to go as children from as far back as I remember

Lifelong family friends at the holiday home we share