SKI HOLIDAY

My week in Val d'Isere was just great. I hadn't quite let myself look forward to it too much, in a kind of superstitious fear that something would go wrong with my health and I wouldn't be able to go after all (maybe I was scared that Fate would punish me for the audacity of going skiing in between chemo treatments...) But all went well and it was lovely to be back in the mountains. And it snowed and snowed and snowed! Unfortunately that meant the conditions weren't great for the first few days: blizzards, high winds meaning that lots of lifts were closed, very poor visibility, thick heavy powder - knee-deep in places even on piste - which was hard work to ski in, and temperatures up to (or down to?) minus 25 degrees centigrade with wind chill. 

View from my window mid-week

8 a.m. on departure morning

I found the skiing pretty hard going to start with, and I was a bit worried on the first day whether I'd be strong enough to cope with the physical exertion; but I gradually got back into my stride, and when the weather improved and the sun came out at the end of the week, I enjoyed some truly exhilarating skiing. I took things a bit easy, made sure I got decent amounts of sleep, and certainly skied quite carefully, but I was delighted that I had enough energy and stamina to keep up with all but the keenest skiers at my level. And to make the most of the wonderful fresh snow!

View down the valley to Val d'Isere

Ridiculous amounts of snow (for comparison, the guy is 6' 4")

Glorious views above the clouds

Coffee stop in the very welcome sunshine

Last run of the day

My fellow skiers were a very nice friendly bunch, and although I don't drink these days (I reckon my liver can do without the extra stress) it was still very sociable. I even spent one evening dancing to one of the live bands - proved to myself that I'm not past it yet! I'd decided not to talk about my situation, and although that meant slightly misrepresenting my life (e.g. talking about work in the present tense), it was just so nice having conversations about all kinds of things from ski stories to world politics, rather than cancer and treatments and supplements and medical matters. It was like a holiday from the preoccupation with my body and my health which has become "normal", a reminder that I do have other interests and sides to me, and it was just wonderful not feeling defined by cancer. 


At the same time, I didn't simply slot back into how I felt on previous ski holidays - the routine and structure was the same, but I'm not: the past year has changed me, and I realised that you can't ever go back in time to a younger you. I also became aware how much pressure I'd put on myself to have "the most amazing time ever" (which, as you can imagine, is a pretty high expectation to have of any holiday!) and I had to get past a bit of disappointment that the week wasn't transformative or transcendent. That said, it was really good fun, it was a brilliant break from my rather tame day-to-day life, I loved having a different kind of challenge to rise to, and it felt like an enormous achievement, both physically and emotionally. So a wonderful end to 2011!

Icicles above my window at dawn